Spark Your Creativity #9 (Another 10-Word Exercise)

Discussion in 'Creativity Outlet' started by alanmdouglas, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. alanmdouglas

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  2. alanmdouglas

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    Challenge #9 (Another 10-Word Exercise)

    Dear People,

    Such was the response to the last 10 word challenge that I am putting up another one, on the proviso that Jacquii's muse partakes, whether she likes it or not. That is, I mean, without protest and claims to be AWOL.

    So here we go :

    amuse kinetic quill sophisticated grouse

    unkind feverish railroad comfort quality

    You may use "forms" of these words, ie Quill could be quills, but not squillions !

    Love
    Alan

    Humph, now I need to go away and compose ...
     
  3. alanmdouglas

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    GAME

    Have you observed
    the kinetic qualities
    of grouse ?

    The sophisticated swoops,
    every quill quivering,
    the feverish manoeuvers

    of the cock who intends
    to railroad the hen
    into his comfortable domesticity?

    We could spend hours
    amusing ourselves with comparisons,
    but that would be too unkind.

    Have you observed
    the kinetic qualities
    of us ?

    Alan McAlpine Douglas

    Challenge words : kinetic quality grouse sophisticated
    quill feverish railroad comfort amuse unkind
     
  4. erikestabrook

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    my answer to alan's chalenge

    Sophisticated Angel

    dare I amuse you,
    this brass-band player,
    are those wings for show?
    they certainly glow with the halo,

    your kinetic qualities aren't what
    attracted me, its how you sit and amass,
    complicate your task well you get the jist,

    Sophisticated angel,
    you handed me this quill,
    and I started out simple,
    but now creating fills my will,

    Your one drop of heaven,
    one mess of a glorious mind,
    the quality of your body,
    makes other angels to you unkind,

    So I'll play a song inspired by the railroad,
    that generations forgot,
    I find comfort in your mind,
    making sense to senses of nostalgia,

    A feverish grouse is in need of your aid,
    and you question helping people as we question,
    why we're made,

    So I'll play a song of faith that heals,
    but its uniqueness hopefully won't complicate you further.
     
  5. nomadicrhymer

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    Sophisticated Isis did feverishly search
    for Osiris, her brother, lover and comforter
    kinetic souls calling each other in passion, as
    Set did amuse himself by decapitating his brother
    with a razor sharp quill…..jealous and unkind
    he scattered the body across many railroads
    in fourteen pieces, picked apart by grouse
    no quality life for Set…underworld of hell well met.



    Nomad
     
  6. Amzy

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    Said the unkind sophisticated grouse
    To the amusement of a feverish mouse
    The quill has a motion kinetic
    And quality sort of pathetic
    But there is comfort in railroading your spouse.


    Trying to get all those qords into a one-verse limerick...
     
  7. alanmdouglas

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    Dear Erik,

    Thank you for entering - you make an interesting philosophical point with your words.

    Love
    Alan
    --------------------------
    --------------------------
    DearTherese,

    Hmmm - I'm guessing that this is all historical or at least mythological ? And that Set is a person ? I know a little about the Egyptians, but not much.

    Well done for getting your tight message across within the confines of the words.

    Love
    Alan
    --------------------------
    --------------------------
    Dear Amzy,

    You too manage to use all the words well within a strict format, very well done !

    Love
    Alan
     
  8. nomadicrhymer

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    kinetic quality grouse sophisticated
    quill feverish railroad comfort amuse unkind

    The unkind sophisticated grouse,
    amused himself with feverishly passing the quill,
    back and forth, back and forth, across the railroad track.
    A kinetic quality of sound ensued which offered him no comfort.

    Nomad
     
  9. MsJacquiiC

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    WOW YAWL - very nice pieces - always nice to see the different perspectives the poet takes on, whilst using the same words to create with.

    I shall endeavor a write:

    Memories of Sophistocated Lady

    Amused am I when the feverish grouse
    smiles, tips hat, winks and bows
    To the quality of my unkind joie d' vivre,
    My sublime wobble-like-it's-hot-ness,
    My poetic, kinetic and unsympathetic
    hip-sway.

    Yeah... sometimes I sway sweetly, singin',
    lingering soft melody behind like stormy Monday's.
    Only with quill in hand. Sophistocated ink-dippin.
    Duke Ellington wrote a song for me. One day
    I'll write back.

    Perhaps when the railroad stops workin',
    For I've no need of the caravan here.
     
  10. alanmdouglas

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    Dear Therese,

    I do so like it that you keep coming back with more - and such different viewpoints, one has to keep checking that it really is the same set of words.

    Love
    Alan
    --------------------------
    --------------------------
    Dear Jacquii,

    Er, um, WOWOWOWOW ! Loved it, esp this thought :

    Duke Ellington wrote a song for me. One day
    I'll write back.


    How sophisticated can you get, lol. You can park your Caravan on my lawn anytime, hon !

    Love
    Alan
     
  11. MsJacquiiC

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    tehehehe :blush2: Thanx GRUMPS - I'm glad you like - I think I will post this poem in the forums and get some additional commentary ;) Thanx for the challenge - twas a lovely one!

    Jacquii.
     
  12. PaintedDiary

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    Dear Alan, I am sorry if this is a little more than what was required, but my mind would not let go of this story. I did use all ten words, and enjoyed the challenge very much. I am still in the "working out the many, many, kinks stage", the tenses, descriptive words, sentence structure, and more of what this story needs to "come alive", so to speak, so bear with the story, as it is a first draft or shell if you will.

    Year:1910
    Town: Nottingham, WV

    Beautiful Train


    Rebeca Rochester read about a small town once a leading producer of coal, in the 1800's. Now plagued by mysterious disappearances. She worked as a reporter at a prominent paper with two partners, Cory Michaels, and Noel Wentworth. The young trio were curious about this strange Coal Town, and set out to investigate. After traveling from Pennsylvania, they finally arrived on the barren soil of Nottingham.

    The town was bleak, and felt watched. An odd burning stench seemed to welcome their nostrils. They assumed the air was toxic, so they brought masks for protection. They immediately started interviewing towns people about the disappearances. Their arrival created chaos and a sense of urgency. What happened to these people, that seemed to just___vanish? Why are the towns people so scared?

    There was an old railroad station that went through the town like an artery. Old, inoperable, and abandoned would fit the description. The trio asked if anyone have investigated the grounds around the old trains. That question alone, cleared a room in a matter of minutes. Another anomaly the reporters faced, was the fact that the older towns people shuttered in fear at the site of Rebeca, and proclaimed Black Annie was back!!

    The reaction surrounding this person known as "Black Annie" sparked a crusade to find out more. The reporters set out to the Old Local Library. Rebeca asked the Librarian to help find information about "Black Annie". The Librarian was a very sophisticated looking woman, with look of peace on her face. Now a ghastly and feverish look poured over her face, from just the sight of Rebeca. Rebeca and her partners were frightened of her reaction. The Librarian gave Rebeca a mirror and proceeded to open a locked closet. She unveiled a secret Black Box, that had "Black Annie" scratched on the top. The closet and the Black Box smelled of a horrid burning stench, that made them all gag. The Librarian said only one word to them before vomiting behind the desk, she said....."Death". There was an old key with a quill like handle in a pouch on the side of the box. The reporters opened the box.

    Noel ran, saying he had to vomit, and was going to the Mens Lavatory. The comfort level now had rose to a feel of evil, yet Cory and Rebeca continued their mission, not knowing what the consequences were. Inside the Black Box was a very poor quality picture of Black Annie, a piece of the finest Bituminous Coal, and newspaper clippings of stories about a woman named Anna Bordeaux. Anna Bordeaux was the most beautiful woman in town, and that she had many men. Married men, single men, as well as many woman too. A taboo she flaunted with a smile, and a laugh that took her to the bank. When she began to lose her beauty, no one wanted anything to do with Anna, and she vowed revenge on all who turned their cheek. When her beauty began to fade, Anna began to work the railroad. She chose to work in the bowels of the most beautiful train in all of West Virginia, feeding the furnace, by shoveling coal. Anna was always covered in soot, was deemed unattractive, and teased by everyone. The town began to laugh at her and named her "Black Annie". She was quickly forgotten. Or was she?

    When Rebeca touched Anna's picture, a spark knocked the picture from her hand and the picture flew back into the dreaded box, and the box locked. Odd thing was....Rebeca was still holding the key. At that point the Librarian began to grouse like they never seen before, and was rather unkind.

    That oh so familiar burning stench filled the entire library. The Librarian demanded their immediate exit. Rebeca placed the mirror and the key in her pocket. Rebeca and Cory ran as fast as they could, realizing that Noel never returned. They ran back to the Men's Lavatory and came to a fearful halt. Slowly they opened the door, and Noel was no where to be found, and a burning stench of flesh overwhelmed them. No time for sorrow, they continued to run out of the Library, and soon Rebeca heard only her footsteps. Cory had also disappeared in the chaos.

    Rebeca ran out of the Library, and continued to run to the railroad, as her gut instinct said to do so, and there, she would find her answers. Close to midnight now, she found a single soul, sitting on the tracks. The person did not move. Rebeca scared, tired, and frightened for her life asked the person what is going on in this God forbidden town. The person covered from head to toe, did not speak, nor did they show their face. Rebeca ran as fast as her kinetic energy would allow, and soon came upon a slow moving train.

    The sight of the train was astounding, the most beautiful train Rebeca has ever seen. The train looked familiar, and looked like the train Anna worked on in the clippings. The train shined like a brand new copper penny. True to her profession, Rebeca knew in her heart, she should not board, but the sweet smell of a successful story was too good to pass. Slowly she boarded the train. The beauty of the train was the first thing Rebeca wanted to write about. She fumbled in her pockets to find a pen, and paper she folded. Instead she pulled out the key, and the mirror.

    All of a sudden the whistle blew, the train started moving, and Rebeca then saw the dreaded Black Box. She unlocked the box, and now another picture was included. Rebeca picked up the picture, however, she decided to read the back of the picture first. On the back of the picture was scribed. To Rebeca, thank you for coming, as you will see soon sweetheart, you brought me back to life, we are so beautiful, and always will be, till death do us part. This almost seemed to amuse Rebeca. Then she turned the photo over, and at that instant the mirror shattered. Rebeca was Anna, and Anna was Rebeca. Before Rebeca could utter a sound, she was introduced to a vision of the furnace. There stood Black Annie laughing as she shoveled the remains of Cory and Noel into the furnace. Annie spoke to Rebeca saying that it was alright, no need to be scared. Rebeca had an idea to run, however, she was shackled, and knew she was next. Anna told Rebeca that they laughed at them, and she warned the town that she would get revenge, and that now she could be beautiful again, and live as she did before. As soon as Black Annie burned Rebeca's flesh, in her beautiful furnace, of her beautiful train. Rebeca was the last to disappear.

    The person on the track, was the only faithful lover of Black Annie, and hauntingly named Rebecah. A prominent news reporter in the 1800's, who fell madly in love with Black Annie. Little did Black Annie know that it was her faithful lover Rebecah, who wrote those horrid stories in the newspaper, masked under another name. Rebecah loved Black Annie with every fiber of her being, yet Black Annie was not faithful to her. Rebecah knew of Black Annie's revenge to burn all the lovers that laughed at her, and turned their cheek. Rebecah in a jealous rage began writing this story in 1820. With all of Black Annie's loves now cremated, and Rebeca's soul burned, they can live forever, and be beautiful again. Rebecah finally finished her story and has Anna all to herself, on the Beautiful Train.



    p.s. I welcome any and all suggestions!
     
  13. nomadicrhymer

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    :wow: I never expected a horror story, PD!! and a pretty gory one too, at the end... had me shivering!!

    IT was very captivating and a great concept...three sacrifices to bring back the evil ghost!! LOL!

    I love the twist at the end, with the long lost lover (Rebeca)...seriously twisted!! :(

    Nomad

    P.S. I think if you developed the character of Annie a little more, and have her speak in the first person in her dialog with Rebeca, it would have amazing impact as well. What do you think?
     
  14. PaintedDiary

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    Dear Nomad,

    First thank you for taking precious time to read and respond, and let me know of the spelling errors. I agree with you 2000%, about the character of Annie. I actually had her and Rebeca in a dialog in my first draft, then changed! I want the character of "Annie" and the story to come alive and come through the screen, lolol. I enjoyed this very much, as I must of needed to write a horror story. Thank you so much, and if there is anything else you believe this story needs please let me know!!

    {{{~~**KIM**~~}}}:hahaha-fun:
     
  15. PaintedDiary

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    Thanks Ms Nomad for helping to make my story come alive with your suggestions. I will be looking them over, and will come back and edit. Thanks again.

    {{{~~**KIM**~~}}};)2
     
  16. erikestabrook

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    riveting, the story was so good, movie quality,
    and I usually don't read stories that much,
    very nice, good solid thought a nasty conclusion but hey you don't mess with demons,
    or ghosts or the lot,
     
  17. PaintedDiary

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    My Dearest Erik,

    Thank you for taking precious time to read and to comment. Wow, to read that you do not read stories much, but managed to read this was such an honor and I am so grateful. I could not shake this story off, so I had to write it. I surprised myself as well. Thanks again Erik. Love Ya'!

    {{{~~**KIM**~~}}};)2
     
  18. Altree94

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    Great Story! Good Plot!
    Needs to be more of it! Some fleshing out with description and maybe some dialogue to expand the characters. Would make a great book!
    - Tree.
     
  19. PaintedDiary

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    Ms Tree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you sooooo much for taking precious time to read and comment!!! Thank you for the suggestions, as I will incorporate them! I was thinking of making it into a book as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coming from someone as your caliber means a lot to me. :yay: :flyaway:


    {{{~~**PD**~~}}};)2
     
  20. MsJacquiiC

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    Yep - this one's a keeper LOL - WOW KIM - Riveting has already been said - but I'll reiterate in agreement - This was quite a nice story - I agree also that there should be dialogue possibly even dialogue of what the townsfolk called Anna...

    At anyrate - Just :wow: - You kinda raised the bar with this challenge response. Very nice piece of writing - I'm impressed actually... It seems everytime I attempt a shortstory or the like - I loose concentration LOL - Why I like the shorter pieces :p

    Very nice. Thanx for the sharing.
    PS - If I come up with some suggestions I'll post them in your Inspiring Novelists thread.

    Jacquii.

    btw - one thing I noticed - you spelled "suet" in the 5th paragraph, close to last sentence.
    Suet is a raw beef or mutton fat :rolleyes: - I think you mean soot :twitcy:
     
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