Per chance To Dream

Discussion in 'Spoken Word & Freestyle' started by Mysty, Jan 28, 2013.

  1. Mysty

    Mysty
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    I sit in silence
    under a moonlit sky
    watching the wind
    as it sweeps quickly by
    blowing ice crystals
    that had seemed
    to lodged in my heart.

    I quietly shivered
    and my teeth wanted to chatter
    yet I didn't want to disturb
    the ghosts in the rafters.
    So I clenched my teeth tightly,
    wrapped my arms round my knees
    and prayed silently
    to the one that matters.

    I wished for world peace
    and no more pain
    I wished no more hunger,
    for man nor for beast,
    I wished food of plenty
    for the fish in the sea.
    Although I knew in my heart
    my wishes would come to naught
    I thanked for my audience
    with the one above.

    The wind kept on blowing
    and I knew ice would melt
    so I stood with a bowed head
    and made my way to bed
    to sleep per chance to dream
    of a better world in my lifetime.

    ©2013 Mysty Johnson
     
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  2. JONATHAN

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    this reminds me of a line from long back .. hope is the hat rack on which I hang my dreams. Beautiful and classy.
     
  3. Mysty

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    Thank You Jonathan :)
     
  4. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    Mysty this is a nice peace (play on words ==> intentional) Seriously though, there are lovely sentiments here. I will revisit this piece when I can give a more proper review; when I get back to my computer desk!

    J.

    Sent from my DROID using Tapatalk 2
     
  5. Ariono-jovan Labu

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    bueno mysty!- to dive right within, must admit the rhythmic- syntax & alliteration of this was truly whimsical/ yet serious within the same breath. was quite charming to recite aloud, especially the excerpts below,
    "I sit in silence
    under a moonlit sky
    watching the wind
    as it sweeps quickly by...
    I quietly shivered
    and my teeth wanted to chatter
    yet I didn't want to disturb
    the ghosts in the rafters.
    So I clenched my teeth tightly,
    wrapped my arms round my knees
    and prayed silently
    to the one that matters..."

    Knowing how difficult it is to paint with end-rhyme without the canvas coming off as forced is an ability many do not possess. such structures can be taught, yet seldom crafted to appeal the appetite my mental satisfaction (personal opinion.) Keep the ink spilling artist. 1-
     
  6. PaintedDiary

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    Upon the sails of the wind I found the blessings spilled out in this piece. Beautiful and twas nice to read you again Mysty. Much love.
     
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  7. Mysty

    Mysty
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    Bueno Ariono and muchas gracias I actually did not plan on any rhyming and in fact did not realize any were rhymed until I read your reply. I guess it just happened lol. I do thank you for your appreciation and reply to my work. Much thanks and hopefully I spelled it right in Spanish.

    Mysty
     
  8. Mysty

    Mysty
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    Thank You Kim ..... I am so glad you liked it . Good to know you are also still active here. I have missed reading you too.

    Much love,

    Mysty
     
  9. Mysty

    Mysty
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    Thanks MsJacquii , I am looking forward to your proper review :)
     
  10. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    Well said indeed! I totally agree.

    That's why the rhyme was so unforced and reads so naturally!

    I had the same thoughts as Ariono, especially as far as the rhyme scheme goes. You know some poets (and/or poetasters LOL) think the end-all to fabulous poetry is the end-rhyme. They concentrate so much on the rhyme and its presentation that the endwork seems almost a silly, childish rap lyric. You didn't do this at all Mysty! And the result is a very charming poem with an optimistic bent.

    This final stanza made me smile broadly. What I do everyday and have done everyday for at least the past decade: Sleep, perchance to dream of a better world for me and mines in my lifetime!

    A lovely piece Mysty filled with hopeful sentiment! Thanks so much for the share and apologies for the waaaaay delayed travel back to your piece LOL - I swear - it generally does not take 20 days for me to get back to my desk as it were LOL

    J.
     
  11. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    Oh Lawd! There she goes: spilling those quoteable lines like a fairy sprinkling most-wanted fairy dust upon those who most need to be dusted :flyaway: Yeah! I've missed you girlie! Love you and hope you're doing FABULOUS! :hug:
     
  12. PaintedDiary

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    Hahaha Ms Jacquii! Ohhhhhh and it felt so good to take time to read and comment!! I miss you more and love you girl! We have some serious catching up to do!! What better way to jump back in than to read you, Mysty and Jonathan!!! Love you all!!! I see you are doing FANTABULOUS and the place is and looks amazing!!! :huggles:
     
  13. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    Yeah - It's been a minute since we've chatted. I've been keeping up with you on Facebook though and am so proud of your latest accompliments! But yes indeed - So glad to see you stopping by JPiC and showing that poetic love as only the PaintedOne can:chuckle2:
     
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