A graveyard's song.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by JONATHAN, Jan 24, 2013.

  1. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    Come in,

    shed your torn besmirched vesture of grief at my gates
    for this is an abode of tranquil joy.

    Hush now,

    stifle your sobs of unwarranted agony,
    for there is no pain in my bosom.

    Hearts be still,

    hand over what once was mine
    for from ashes to ashes and from dust to dust.

    Listen,

    as your beloved’s memory makes up the skylark’s songs
    for in the bowels of this earth is rejuvenation.

    Look around,

    at the birds and the butterflies and the flowers and the trees,
    for these are now what once was the dear departed.

    Smile now,

    invoke within yourselves memories of joy and mirth,
    for you owe your beloved one last happy goodbye.

    Go now,

    do not tarry too long as this is not your time neither your place,
    for the life force within you disturbs my tranquility of death.

    Live now,

    embrace life with a renewed passion and pass each day like the last,
    for you may yet anticipate the tranquility of your stay here.

    One day

    and then forever with your beloved.


    -------------------------
    Inspired by Cemetery Rose by moondancemoondance
     
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  2. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    I'm loving the way you've sculpted this piece of poetry JONATHANJONATHAN - The stanzas with 2 lines each are stand-alone frames of what could be called a poetic movie even. Same with the 1-line stanzas too. I've read this piece in three ways actually:
    1. As written.
    2. The one-line stanzas only.
    3. The two-line stanzas only.
    for instance...

    I think it's genius how you've written this piece. It can be read from a myriad of angles and each angle is as enjoyable to read as the other. Anyway - sorry to take the piece apart LOL - but this is how I read, sometimes in abstract ways...

    At the end of the day though, this is lovely. And indeed if this is how a graveyard's song is supposed to be, I may have to rethink one of my idiosyncrasies that dictates = no funerals. EVER!

    I can see that this piece was inspired by Cemetery Rose. ((I edited your post above to include the links btw...)) A nice honor that moondance's poem inspired your own poetry.

    Thanks for the share!

    J.
     
  3. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    Thank you Ms J .. The cemetery rose is indeed a piece of poetic righteousness, I like the way you have found other angles to veiw my piece from however to be completely honest I wasnt even thinking in those terms, the lines just flowed, I guess moondance had me so Inspired.
     
  4. Mysty

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    Beautiful Write Jonathan. I am adding this to my favorites if I may.
     
  5. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    Thank you so much Mysty.
     
  6. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    Well - I suppose I don't 'read' poetry as much as 'digest' it. It's nice to get a real meaty piece and figuratively dig into it. Not all poetry can be enjoyed in such a fashion - but this one ==> Yep. It's inspired and it shows.

    J.
     
  7. Ariono-jovan Labu

    Ariono-jovan Labu
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    que paso artista? have not been frequent here of late, though hope to share in more gifts presented come this way. i was lured by title this canvas & the application of a the layout and will vaguely profess to understanding this piece. May it be the procession of death for the living? The longing of what death may offer? Or perhaps a loved one paying homage to one deceased? This is how i pondered. Defiantly can dig the direction this is headed, although the trite images (por ejemplo) "grief, unwarranted agony, tranquility, joy, & happy goody," i feel stole away from the overall potential. my apologies, as it is often difficult for me to view labors without a critique, i'm working on it! I did enjoy this work presented nevertheless, yet would recommend trying to reach for more concrete imagery to explain such & actually picture spelling scenes that your readers can be entrenched firmly & not easily forgotten. Definitely enjoyed the naturalistic fluidity presented here. Keep the ink spilling yeah. Paz-
     
  8. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    I appreciate your feedback and your critique is welcome, I'm looking into what I can do to better this or if its just better left the way it is.
     
  9. PaintedDiary

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    Hey Jonathan! I loved this piece. I loved the ebb and flow in its simplistic yet prominent execution. This allowed the imagery to fill my mind before beginning the next stanza, and I felt that I created your poem for me as I read as well. Thanks for the read love.
     
  10. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    nice to have you on Kim commenting on my poem, much appreciation and love.
     
  11. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    Hey Ariono and nice to see you on the board. Apologies for just now getting back with a response here. The past several weeks have been insanity...

    Anyway - I can feel your critique - IDK if I necessarily agree with it though - I think the concept JONATHANJONATHAN espouses here is that "though there may be death - joy cometh in the morning - there is solace in that" -- Like he touches upon a few aspects of death (grief, unwarranted agony, and even the tranquility present in the quiet that is death for example) whilst making the overall 'feel' of death not as depressing and horrendous as it has propensity to be... Even offering an everlastingly fleeting glance at optimism as his last couple lines:

    One day
    and then forever with your beloved.

    This is what I gathered from his poem anyway.

    Hello my Dahlink! How are ya! Great I hope :yes:
    Nice to see you around sharing in the trickle of poetic love flowing through JPiC's veins lol

    J.
     
  12. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    Thank you Ms J, Kinda needed that, personally I don't defend my babies very well and sometimes that is needed specially when your work is lost in translation.
     
  13. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    I think that's the special thing about poetry - Even though some lines may be lost in translation for some - Not so much for others... Anyway - I liked the optimistic bent of your poem. It puts a pretty face (dare I say) on death. It did for me anyway.
     
  14. JONATHAN

    JONATHAN
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    Death is pretty and I don't mean that in a morbid Gothic way but its a calm and end .
     
  15. MsJacquiiC

    MsJacquiiC
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    It should be... But not all deaths prove to be calm. My Grandmother's suffered with colon cancer. She ended up having to have a colostomy. She passed away in 1993, my senior year of highschool. It wasn't pretty. It should have been.

    We were close too, extremely close. Her death hit me pretty damn hard. Hers was the last funeral I've ever attended. At the end of the day though - I was happy that she was out of pain. Perhaps I was and have been selfish as concerns death; I don't want you to die - I love you...and I want you here with me....Selfish in that it seems to be all about I and me as concerns you LOL

    So yeah - Your poem has given me a new perspective on death as something less morbid than it has the propensity to be. So thanks for that ;)

    J.
     
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